I could happily start every morning at sunrise on the beach. We stole away to Destin last week for some much needed rest and relaxation.
I don't really feel like writing any more. I honestly don't know what to say. I'm learning all kinds of lessons each day but just when I think I've got one down, I'm ground to ashes and need to relearn it all over again. I've been emptied. Emptied of everything I thought I knew about parenting. Emptied of what I thought made life beautiful. Emptied of what I thought I knew about being Christlike. So I'm taking it one day at a time, learning the lessons God has for me and relearning them again and again. And holding on to the fact that God does his best work with empty.
Noy and I share sermons with each other throughout the day sometimes. We listen to A LOT of them. They help keep us grounded and our minds out of despair. One particular pastor that we've listened to nearly every day for the last eight months is Alistair Begg. He has spoken a lot on suffering, grief, the providence of God, and has a really fabulous series on I and II Samuel that I've been enjoying recently since that is where I'm at in my Bible reading plan. When I'm down or restless, I put on a sermon of his. It's a comfort to be reminded of things we know but often forget in the midst of our grief.
Anyway, on our way to Destin we had a layover in Chicago. Chicago isn't really on the way to Destin but the airlines didn't ask for my input on which route to take, so off to Chicago we go on a 6am flight. I read for awhile and then put a Begg sermon on my headphones to drown out a crying child. When we got off the plane, we had about an hour and 20 minute layover so we headed into the United Club for breakfast. I went through the buffet with Wesley and grabbed a seat and then Noy went through the buffet. A few minutes later he called my name from across the room and I looked over to see him standing there with Alistair Begg. What in the world?! I stood there open-mouthed while my mind tried to figure out what was happening.
Through tears, I gave him a hug and he listened as we told him about losing Julian and how we found comfort in his teachings throughout our grief. He was on his way home from speaking at Wheaton college and had one of his devotionals with him. He signed it, chatted with Wesley and told us though he had never lost a child, he had lost his mother to a massive heart attack at a young age. He shared what he has said in many of his sermons, that sometimes we know why hard things like this happen but many times we will not know God's mysterious ways this side of eternity.
That providential meeting was such a personal and beautiful display of God's kindness to us. Oil of joy for our mourning. The beach was AMAZING but this gift is what made our entire trip.
xo
Dawn
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